Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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