Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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