i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
