im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
