how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
