Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
