I hate all girls vehemently.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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