Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
