Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
