He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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