I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
