He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
