so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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