i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
