There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
