she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
