sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
