he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
