i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
