I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
