no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
