we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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