You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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