Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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