ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
