1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
