her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My penis needs a shock collar
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
