The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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