oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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