you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am one with the molecules
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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