I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
