whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
