how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
