did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
