I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
