totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i now understand why vodka
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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