my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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