I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
