Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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