Having a random hookup so left but love u
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
