totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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