i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
