Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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