he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
