Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
