I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
