Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
