11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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