Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
