so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
