my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
